CHOICES

I was in bondage to an "eating disorder" for several years. By the grace of God it is no longer even a temptation to "go there", although I do know that there are certain things that could thrust me back in to that world--so I have to make sure I stay away from them. Sometimes it is hard to believe that it was even a part of my life because God has transformed my way of thinking so drastically...but the reality is that it IS a part of who I used to be. Just remembering those days humbles me, yet again, as I see how weak I am.

I find it amazing how quickly I believed Satan's lies and that I allowed my focus and thoughts to become so warped! So unreasonable. So....WRONG! But then that is what Satan is best at...trying to get us to believe lies. It started way back in the garden when he whispered in Eve's ear that God was somehow trying to cheat her from what was rightfully hers.

And we all know what happened after that.

We are still experiencing the consequences to this day.

I could come up with all kinds of reasons as to WHY I battled an "eating disorder"...insecurity, not loving myself, wanting to be beautiful, feeling like a loser...etc. Some might even find some of my excuses to be "valid"...but God has shown me that the bottom line was that I was listening to a lie.

My focus was not on Him.

My focus was on myself, on others and what they thought of me, on the world and it's philosophy...everything BUT God and truth. So...I listened, made a choice, and it became bondage. I remember times that I would eat and if I felt too full, I would begin to panic...then I would hear him whisper in my ear, "You ate too much. You're going to get fat. You loser!" I listened. I panicked. I fell. It was a vicious cycle.

Satan is the father of lies!

Satan is a stinkin' liar! I wasn't really in bondage to an eating disorder, I was in bondage to Satan and his lies. The only cure for that is to shift my focus...and who I listen to...to the Truth...and to cling to Him with all my might!

It's a choice.

We need to be aware of how Satan works so that we can be on the alert!

He is a murderer! John 8:44 refers to him as a "man killer"! "He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him."

He is a destroyer! Revelation 9:11 refers to him as destructive or a destroyer.

In John 17, I John 5, and Ephesians 6, he is referred to as the evil one.

He is an adversary, opposer, and an accuser. He is a brutal foe, he is ruthless, cruel, hateful and is characterized as someone who does not fight fair!

He is a stalker! 1 Peter 5:8 tells us to be temperate and sober of mind, "be vigilant and cautious at all times; for the enemy of ours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring, seeking someone to seize upon and devour."

His goal is to distort God's truth and deceive God's people, plant doubts about the goodness of God, misquote God, and mix truth with error. He parades as an angel of light, and will do everything he can to hinder your walk with God.

SATAN WILL NOT SIT BACK AND WATCH YOU BECOME CONFORMED TO THE IMAGE OF CHRIST!

So...that's who we're dealing with!

Pretty sobering, isn't it?

That was the first thing that God showed me about the choices I was making.

The next thing He showed me was that my choices were rooted in pride and were sinful.

Now--I know that might sound insensitive in dealing with a person who is battling an eating disorder. It is truth, nonetheless. You see, until we can see the truth about our hearts, we can never move on from any behaviour that has become a habit in our lives.

Here's the truth: Choosing an eating disorder was rooted in the sin of pride! I was striving for "perfection" and listening to the father of lies. I was guilty of the sin of unbelief, idolatry, self-focus, self-love, fear, comparing, vanity and selfishness! I lacked self-control, and did not see the truth about myself and who I am in Christ.

As God opened my eyes to the reality of what I was dealing with, I was able to reach out to the only one who can heal and cure me. God. He forgave me. He helped me fix my gaze on Him alone. He began to renew my mind. And I began to view myself in light of Truth...not some messed up, warped view that Satan had created and whispered in my ear.

I am continuing to immerse myself in the Word of God, and pour myself into serving my Saviour--striving to take my eyes off of myself and what others might think, and on to God and those He calls me to serve!

And I am ever mindful of the fact that there is a stalker in my house!

"Be well balanced, be vigilant, and cautious at all times; for that enemy of ours, the devil, roams (stalks!) around like a lion roaring and seeking someone to seize upon and devour."