Anyway I have been reading some of this site.. http://www.ruthlesscompassioninstitute.com/
and really loved this article...
Oprah Winfrey is such an admirable woman. She’s done so much for so many, and is an incredible role model to millions of people. She’s beautiful, successful, intelligent, caring, and an inspiration to us all, which is why her ongoing struggle with weight loss is so saddening.
She has access to the very best trainers, nutritionists, coaches and chefs. She has the time and resources to research the subject, plan healthy meals and work out using the most up-to-date methods available. She has the support of dozens of people who truly care about her, yet her weight has been see-sawing up and down her entire adult life.
She certainly seems to have some insight into herself, and she’s spoken candidly about the traumas of her past. Still, this hasn’t helped her in her battle with overeating. She’s gone on diets, fasts and eating plans, but there’s one thing she hasn’t done in this quest to lose weight and keep it off. I sincerely believe that if she were to take this ultimate step, she’d finally be able to let go of the extra weight, forever.
During my many years of experience working with women who overeat, it’s become clear that dieting is doomed to fail because it doesn’t address even one of what I’ve identified as the three major aspects of a woman’s overeating disorder: these are the obsessions she has about food and weight; her compulsive eating behaviours and her psychological attachment to the weight. Let me explain:
Overeating is driven by psychological forces which are working deep within the unconscious mind toward a dual goal; that of achieving emotional nurturing and healing. Overeating, like all addictions, comes out of a drive to resolve the abuse, losses or inadequacies of the past. It’s meant to replace the missing love and care and to repair the emotional wounds which have occurred as a result of having experienced such childhood traumas or neglect. It’s also used to numb the pain of these past losses. Unfortunately, it’s an ineffective method of achieving these goals.
The unconscious mind is rigid and inflexible and once it latches onto a particular solution for an emotional problem, it won’t let go (until the conscious mind steps in and changes gears). A woman overeats to compensate for a lack of love or to heal around past hurts, (great or small) and her unconscious mind is convinced that if she just keeps at it, this method will eventually work. The obsessions about food and eating come about as a result of a woman engaging in this behaviour repeatedly, without success.
A woman is lead to obsess about food because of her internal confusion. Unconsciously, she’s convinced that eating is the solution to her emotional needs, but consciously, she sees that it’s not working. No matter how much she eats, she doesn’t feel any more healed or nurtured than she did before she started. Food comes to the forefront of her consciousness, and she thinks and thinks about it, wanting it to do what it’s supposed to do, and hoping that eventually, it will.
A woman with this problem also obsesses about her weight. She doesn’t want to be heavy, but of course, the more she eats, the more she gains. This creates a conflict within her between the unconscious part that’s driven to overeat and the conscious part that doesn’t want to be overweight. She obsesses about her need to lose weight, and she obsesses about what she just ate, what she wants to eat and what she’s not supposed to eat. It’s exhausting.
These obsessions consume a lot of time and energy, and can narrowly restrict the overeater’s focus When a woman is busy obsessing about food and weight, she has a lot less time to pursue the kinds of activities which might bring real happiness, and which might actually be healing and nurturing for her.
The second component of this overeating problem is the aspect of compulsive behaviour. A woman is compelled to eat by the psychological force that’s driving her to meet her emotional needs. The need for love and healing, or to push down painful or upsetting emotions, looms large in the unconscious mind. It makes the urge to eat overwhelming. This urge is almost irresistible, and a woman feels helpless in the face of such a compulsion. No matter how much she eats, though, she doesn’t experience any relief from her inner pain, nor find fulfillment for her unmet longings. This failure spurs the compulsive behaviour onward, driving her to eat even more, because the rigid unconscious mind is convinced that eventually, it’ll be enough.
The final aspect of this overeating and weight problem is a woman’s psychological attachment to the extra weight. Some women gain weight to feel “safe” in the world, believing that this physical barrier might prevent further emotional or physical hurts from occurring. Such a woman might believe that she is unlovable or incompetent and she uses the weight as a scapegoat for potential failures in her relationships or in the workplace, thinking to herself, “It’s not me, it’s the fat.”
Women with a history of severe forms of abuse, such as beatings or molestation, have a stronger attachment to the weight than anyone else. In this case, a woman would grow up feeling helpless, overwhelmed and terrified, and now as an adult, she’ll be convinced that she needs this “buffer zone” in order to be protected from future assaults. She might lose all the weight she wants to, but she’ll always gain it back unless she finds another way to feel safe and secure in the world.
Obviously, not every woman with an overeating/weight problem has suffered from severe childhood trauma or neglect, but after having worked with so many overweight women, I’ve seen that what they have in common is the fact that something was missing, or not quite right, when they were growing up. Usually, the degree to which they are out of control of their eating is a reflection of the degree of problems they experienced while growing up.
I wouldn’t dream of speculating about Oprah’s particular issues around eating and weight, but when I see such an otherwise intelligent, creative and successful woman that stuck in this area of her life, one thing becomes clear: she hasn’t addressed at least one of the above aspects of her overeating disorder. I’ve seen, through the work I’ve done over the years, that no permanent weight loss is possible for a woman without her first having dealt with the underlying cause(s) of her overeating behaviour.
Women are always losing large amounts of weight just by the use of will-power alone. Women can be very strong and resourceful, organized and disciplined. They can often succeed, at least initially, at the goals they’ve set for themselves. That’s all fine and good, but if a woman has a psychological need to be heavy, hasn’t let go of her obsessions with food or is powerfully compelled to overeat, it won’t be long until all the weight comes back. I’ve seen this happen too many times to think that it’s a coincidence.
So what is Oprah to do? The answer is the same one I give to all the women I work with: deal with the three components of this problem in a meaningful way. Get to the bottom of your emotional wounds and discover real solutions for the emotional nurturing and healing you need. Address your traumatic past so that you’re no longer unconsciously driven to obsess about food and weight or compelled to choose food as the answer. And finally, look at what the weight means to you so that you can replace it with something which actually gives you what you need without making you fat.
I wrote my book, “Never Diet Again” for women just like Oprah: women who are successful in many areas of their lives but who are still unable to overcome their eating and weight problem. If you are one of these women, you must have tried every diet imaginable, and I’ll bet that every one of them has failed. If you’re like the other overweight women I know, you feel terrible anguish over not being able to find the key that will unlock the door to your freedom. Your frustration and despair can transform into relief and happiness, though, because the key to solving this problem is within your grasp.
Through working with women who overeat, I’ve believe that I’ve discovered a simple, reasonable method of overcoming this problem, once and for all. Oprah and women like her don’t need to keep going on diets which are never going to work. Instead of being forever trapped in the prison of obsessions, compulsive eating and psychological attachment to your weight, you can take hold of the key that’s being offered to you right now, turn it in the lock and open the door.
Marcia Sirota MD
© 2009
© 2009
1 comment:
This is just what I needed to hear!! I was slightly up this past Saturday and to top it off I ate way too much last night bc I was upset. I am now noticing the triggers and trying to get to the bottom of the real emotional issue. Thank you for sharing!!
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